[guesses correct password for old account] nice, ive hacked it
Lets stop pretending that pants are even necessary its time we progress as a society
my problem is that i like boys in theory but not in practice so if i see a cute boy i’m like “damn i would” but when faced with actually dating one i’m just like “nah”
I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering I love you repeatedly as they struggle to escape from my arms
i hope that, wherever my hair ties go, they’re happy. that’s all that matters
I once told a joke about a straight person.
They came after me in droves.
Each one singing the same:
Don’t fight fire with fire.
What they mean is: Don’t fight fire with anything.
Do not fight fire with water.
Do not fight fire with foam.
Do not evacuate the people.
Do not sound the alarms.
Do not crawl coughing and choking and spluttering to safety.
Do not barricade the door with damp towels.
Do not wave a white flag out of the window.
Do not take the plunge from several storeys up.
Do not shed a tear for your lover trapped behind a wall of flame.
Do not curse the combination of fuel, heat, and oxygen.
Do not ask why the fire fighters are not coming.
When they say: Don’t fight fire with fire.
What they mean is: Stand and burn."